A Letter To My Daughters – by Sonya

Sonya is the force of nature behind the Instagram page Our Wonderful Chaos. A no holds barred look at motherhood with two gorgeous girls who don’t sleep, drive her a little insane, but are so very, very loved.
She covers topics from the best Aldi chocolate, to mental illness. Cake hacks to the torture of sleep deprivation. Her stories are what I (and her viewers seem to) love the most. Not child appropriate but hilarious, realistic and she’s tapped in to a stream of mothers who are feeling things that they’re too worried to say.
Sonya loves fiercely and speaks openly… and that’s what her followers love about her. I am beyond happy that she decided to write this letter to her daughters…

xx

To my dearest daughters, Mia & Sofia,

All I have ever hoped and dreamed for the both of you is that you’re healthy, happy and loved. I can’t always control your health or happiness, but I sure as hell can ensure you’re loved all day, every day. Sure, some days more than others, but that’s the joys of motherhood, right?

Mia, my little stress head. There’s no denying you are your mother’s daughter. Do you want to know a secret? My entire pregnancy with you I honestly didn’t care what gender you were, just as long as you weren’t like me. Sounds crazy I know. I wanted you to inherit your father’s patience, his calming nature and relaxed personality. Well, that definitely didn’t happen. Don’t get me wrong, I adore your personality. You’re a wild one at heart but also have a super sensitive spot. You’re emotional, you feel other’s pain and emotions and you are honestly, so incredibly thoughtful, kind and caring that it makes me forget how being sensitive at times is a bad thing.

You do me so proud when we’re out of the house. Whether it’s at the shops, park or wherever, you’re always complimented by strangers for how kind and bubbly you are. Whilst I love all of these caring qualities, it secretly brings fear to me. I worry for your safety. I worry for your feelings. I worry knowing deep down that one day the school bully will crack you and you won’t be able to control your emotions. When I see you following around your friends in the park, I’m torn between being proud that you’re easy going to play with and sad that you may not be the leader I so want you to be.

Either way, I know my worries and fears for you will never, ever go away. You are my first born, my best friend forever (as you like to call us) you are my blood, my world, my everything. Even though we may have a love-hate relationship, the good outweighs the bad a million times over. Don’t change. I know I say I want you to be a leader, I want you to stop being so emotional as it’s exhausting! I also know that your qualities make you YOU. Since day one, we knew you were going to keep us on our toes, and three years on, you continue to prove us right.

Ah…. Sofia, our zero F*&#s given child. Thank you for being the complete opposite of your sister. I know you’ll most likely give me grief as a teenager, but at the moment you’re a cruise in the park. Not Jurassic Park, more like Centennial Park. You’re happy to do your own thing, and normally with a big smile on your face. You’re cheeky and have personality but you’re very happy to just take your time with things. There’s no urgency at all with you, at least one of you inherited your father’s personality. Thank you for completing our family, we knew the second you popped out that our world is complete.

So my girls, you’re currently 3 and 1 and life is chaotic but my love for you both still grows each day. To be honest Sofia, I wasn’t sure I could love you as much as Mia because how could I love another baby as much as my first born? I was SO relieved to have overcome that as the love just came out at a million miles an hour. When it comes to the both of you I would literally do anything to ensure your safety, wellbeing and happiness. I would literally rip out my eyeballs, drink snakes blood, whatever I’d have to do, if it meant you would always be safe, healthy and happy.

It scares me knowing that I can’t control all of this, but please know that I’m trying my hardest. When it feels like all I do is yell at you, know that I’m trying my best. I don’t mean to get mad, I don’t mean to be angry and I definitely don’t mean to be sad. Sometimes I let the sleep deprivation get to me and I feel so guilty for that. The mum guilt is real and I feel like I’m constantly at war with it. Some days I feel like I’ve completely failed you both, but Mia, you’ll turn around and say something like, “you’re my bestest friend ever” and then Sofia will pull a face or a come over and sit in my lap, and I’m reminded that I’m not a failure.

My darling daughters, every day may not be a good day, but there is some good in every day. Every night might be a struggle to get you both to sleep, but know that I come back into your rooms and check on you both several times throughout the night. I come in and ask for your forgiveness, sometimes I even quietly cry because of the guilt. But know this, I will ALWAYS be here for you both. Through the good times and the bad, I’ve got you.

Love from,
Your overprotective, old school, emotional, sleep deprived, hypervigilant Mama <3    

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