Kirsty (not Kristy) is the author of “Lucinda and the Monsters“, editor of “The Mummy Trap“, blogger behind “The Mummysomniac” and the face behind the hugely popular Instagram account @kirstymckenzie__ (Do yourself a favour and search #KirstyWritesAPoem and #KirstyFakesAPhoto)
Putting a voice to real life issues- mama related and more- Kirsty has built a tribe, reassured women and broken down stigmas around so many issues that we all face every day.
I’m beyond happy that she gave me this beautiful letter to publish on my blog, to her daughters.
To my darling girls,
Once upon a time, I had an image in my head of what motherhood might be like for me. Perhaps I didn’t see myself as worthy of daughters, or perhaps I just didn’t want to repeat the mistakes that my mother had made with me and my sisters. Nonetheless, me as a mother of girls, is not what I’d imaged.
Yet here we are.
Three beautiful daughters.
I’m often plagued by the scars of my past. I feel unworthy, overwhelmed, or inadequate. How can I possibly know how to raise daughters, when the only example of that kind of relationship that I have is manipulative and abusive? I suppose the only thing I can go by now is that I know exactly the kind of mother that I never wish to be. I know without a doubt the kind of actions and treatment that I will never subject my children to – but how to actually be? Well, that will continue to be a work in progress I’m sure.
I can only hope that on day in the very distant future, we’ll look back, and I’ll have done right by you.
The one thing I wish for you most in the life, is to grow and develop into the exact people you were always meant to be, whoever, and whatever that is. Not the people that you think you should be, or the people you think I want you to be. But the people that you want to be. It’s not something that I was afforded in my younger years, and it’s something I’m only beginning to grasp for myself now. But my darlings, it’s what I want for you all the most in this life. Whatever it is that you choose to do, and whoever it is you choose to be, all I hope is that you do it with your whole heart, with every ounce of kindness that you possess, and most importantly, with integrity.
And know, that no matter who you become, how you change, or where life leads you all, that you are all so incredibly loved – with every fibre of my being.
One day, hopefully many years from now, I’ll be gone. I’ll no longer be here to guide you, to protect you from the outside world, or shelter you from what it can throw your way. I can only hope now as I write this letter, that I’ll have prepared you for what the future might bring.
And while it breaks my heart to think that there will one day come a time, when I won’t be here to hold your hands, it comforts me to know that you’ll be there to hold each other’s.